One Month Sober!

One month complete. Mission accomplished!
It hasn't been easy. Especially at weekends. Four of those have elapsed and the one just gone, was the most difficult.

On Thursday evening I conceded defeat, reasoning that tomorrow (Friday) I should enjoy myself with friends. 4 weeks was progress enough. For whatever reason when I went to bed that evening, I slept badly. I woke up at 5am and it felt like I had a hangover. Then I had the sudden insight that I didn't want to experience that feeling anymore, undoing all the progress I had made up to that point. I resolved to keep going and promptly rolled over and fell asleep again.

That being said, I still went out Friday night with friends. Again, very uncomfortable with my sobriety among a heaving mob of dancers in the club. Time drags so much when sober, and in my heightened sensitivity I felt awkward silences, pushy customers, loud noise more than anyone else. It will definitely take some time to adjust.

How long?

I set out last month with several goals: to clean my insides out, save a little money, embrace discomfort and build some courage. I haven't achieved all I've wanted in that timeframe. I didn't think beyond the initial month, and now I find myself in uncharted territory. Friends are inviting me back into the frame and the temptation is stronger than ever.

At the moment my balancing scale still weighs in favour of staying off alcohol. But the gap is closing, and I will continue to take it week by week. One of the major struggles I'm having is getting outside my own head. Without alcohol, people still get the same 'me' as they get during the day. I can't really change mode and be a social animal all of a sudden, or effortlessly approach the opposite sex. Everything is now preplanned and I'm becoming more of an observer than a participator.


There's a form of escapism in drinking, and the allure of shirking life's problems and taking solace in alcohol is definintely appealing, but ultimately a short-term fix. I need to remain focussed on the long-term, facing challenges and building character so that booze doesn't influence me and I begin to take full responsibility for my experiences.

It's a struggle, but I'm going to keep pushing ahead.