Memoirs: The Gift of Pain

Dublin. September 2006.

"C'mon mate. We'll do a pub crawl. Get a Strippers in before heading out!"

CJ was foaming at the mouth in anticipation of a night of carnage, eager to head out having gotten permission from his missus. I was lying on the sofa watching TV completely uninterested in his sales pitch. I inched closer to the table, picking up a nearly empty can of beer.

"Did you drink mine?!" I looked at him.

"Yeah man! I bought us some Captain Morgan we can smash."

I groaned out loud curling deeper into the nook of the sofa. I was already out the night before and didn't really feel up to a second night. CJ had other ideas.

"Lets DO this shit! It's your birthday. Let's rip it up, do Temple Bar, get chatting to a few chicks and get fucked!" He had a maniacal grin now, eyes widening to emphasise a laboured point. He had been standing up for several minutes now, like some crazed Sergeant giving his wounded soldier an impassioned team talk. Fuck the fact you have no legs, and no gun. Beat them to death with your legs soldier!

He was convincing though, I had to give him that.

"It's your BIRTHDAY man! Here, I'll get you a drink." Before I could argue, he was out the door and in the kitchen.

He came back a few minutes later with a pint in either hand. Fat limes desperately clinging to ice cubes on the surface.

"Down in one, birthday boy!"

After a few of those, we headed into town to meet the Slug and Dom. Friends of mine from my old workplace.

First port of call was a stripclub along the quays. They served 3 euro pints of Guinness so just desserts after a few pints of Captain Morgan's.

2 hours later, I remember scraping myself off the floor outside the strip club around 11pm, and walking straight home. The guys were still inside blissfully unaware of my quick exit.

Next morning, my hand ached which I put down to a bad nights sleep. Turns out the bouncers in the Strippers had thrown me out, and I tripped and fell on my thumb, fracturing it. I didn't realise this at the time, and carried the soreness for a few weeks. I didn't get it checked out because I was embarrassed to say I fell over when I was drunk and that's what caused the damage. The pain subsided eventually and it healed in its new position (a slight deformity of the right thumb knuckle a timely birthday reminder).

A unique gift for my 24th birthday. A broken bone!