Sober = Boring?

Last weekend I felt no desire to go out.

It must have been my first weekend in months I didn't hit a bar. Knowing I wouldn't be drinking, and being surrounded by drinkers suddenly didn't feel that compelling.

This echoes my last serious period of sobriety in 2005.

After a particularly drunken Summer vacation in Europe, I returned home determined to turn over a new leaf. So began 6 months without a single drink of alcohol. I'll readily admit that, at the time it was one of the most uneventful periods of my life. Instead of embracing life, building courage and facing the horrible truth of my dependence on alcohol, I shrank back into myself and become a virtual hermit. Life passed me by and it was with great effort and reluctance I began to creep out of my self-imposed exile. Alas, when the going gets tough, the drinks get flowing. Soon enough, I re-entered the social scene discovering my trusty sidekick again charting another 3 years of hazy memories.

Thinking back to that period in my life, I'm surprised I was teetotal for so long. Closed to new opportunities, cocooning myself from the public, I was desperately afraid that my resolve would be tested. Retreating far away from temptation seemed the best way to beat it. My social life suffered as a result, and I became inherently lonely. The ploy to run away backfired. I had never felt more alone, and this made life miserable. I connected 'good times' with alcohol, and 'boring' to sobriety.

With hindsight I've made the distinction that spending quality time with worthwhile friends has, and will continue to give me the most enjoyable experiences of my life. Alcohol has played little or no part in enhancing this experience.

At the moment, I don't feel particularly enamoured by the idea of going out to noisy clubs, chatting with a bunch of drunken people, and ignorant people barging for elbow room at the bar. Although a higher part of me knows that my conscious critical self will try to make me feel uncomfortable, presenting challenges before I've even stepped foot in a bar. Instead I need to trust my instincts, socialise as much/if not more so than I have been in the past, and in the cold light of consciousness, grow and push myself to new heights.

One of my biggest tests will be on Friday night.
A field report should be well worth the wait!