An old schoolfriend of mine, who I hadn't seen for a few months was in the City on business on Friday.
He is gay and been 'out' for a couple of years though never having had direct experience with the gay scene in Dublin. I decided that I should be a good tour guide and show him some of the sites. My knowledge of the gay haunts centred on Georges St., namely pubs 'The George' and 'The Dragon'.
I have stepped foot in three gay bars in my life.
First, was accidentally in Montpellier, France where my friend and I quickly fled finding ourselves suddenly surrounded by skimpy males on the dancefloor.
Second, was in Edinburgh, Scotland, drunkenly approaching every lesbian couple in sight.
Third, was in Dublin, the Dragon, where I brought a date, and in my insecurity (fuelled by copious amounts of booze) wanted to bring her to a safe haven where I thought she wouldn't get hit on by guys!
First. we sampled a few straight bars nearby to chat and pass the time. Good conversation and we were able to talk openly about our own experiences, and current challenges finding someone compatible.
He was drinking, and I was getting my sugar rush again from Cokes and Lucozades.
Around 10pm, we decided to try The George, probably the most famous gay bar in Dublin. I was nervous and apprehensive as we walked to the club. My friend was in good spirits though and his excitement was infectious. Mine more adrenaline induced.
Visions in my head of a seedy, sweaty den, and guys having open sex in cages, and half naked dancers, with electro-pop music blaring from the speakers. I imagined people pinching my ass, eyes like daggers slicing the layers off my body, and my squirming in a corner, praying for it all to end!
Whatever lay behind the doors, we never got to find out. The bouncer refused us entry! I was stunned.
My friend was none too happy either. His night almost ended before it started. No reason was offered. Considering I was sober and he was nowhere near drunk, I guess he just didn't like the look of us.
Anyway, we made the short journey to The Dragon instead. 8 euro entrance, and 6 euro drinks! Pretty steep, but I wasn't aware of anywhere else we could go.
A drag queen met us at ticket booth, and I felt like such an imposter! What would I say if someone approached me?
My friend had accompanied me to dozens of straight bars over the years. The least I could do was to be his wingman tonight.
We entered the main room, and found a lounge area away from the dancefloor. Nice layout, and not too noisy, so we could have a chat and he could scour for talent.
We stayed there for a few hours and here are some of my key learnings:
- I need to work on my eye contact. I had no idea where to look in the gay bar. I didn't make eye contact with anyone. I'm not sure if this was the right tactic, because I didn't want to attract any attention.
- I was painfully conscious of my surroundings when my friend went to the bar, or toilet. Left alone for more than 5 minutes, I buried my head in my phone, pretending to distract myself from the discomfort of the moment.
- My preconceptions of gay bars changed considerably after this experience. The music was great, the people from what I could see were very friendly. There were very few drunken lecherous people (compared to a straight bar). No aggro, and there was a nice vibe from the place where people just wanted to have fun.
- Gay guys certainly make much more of an effort when it comes to making themselves look good on a night out.
- One person approached me whilst I was alone. He was friendly, but I didn't know how to react, instead probably appearing hostile and dismissive. I need to loosen up a little and not take things too seriously when outside my comfort zone.
- On this particular night the attendees were 80% male. I was half expecting/hoping to see a lot of women there, and (secretly) hoping that a lesbian couple might take this frightened young bird under their wing!
- Bloated with fluids, I observed a line of people queuing specifically for the toilet cubicles. Now, I wouldn't want to speculate on what was happening in there, but I didn't hang around to find out!
- The gay bar I went to was not particularly sleazy. Certainly no more or less than any typical straight bar. People still have a bit of decorum, and the fear of approaching was clearly still there. It wasn't a cattle market, but clearly there were various different agenda's and ability levels present. I saw groups of young guys seated together chatting, affluent older businessmen in suits sitting idly by hoping to be approached, pea cocking transsexuals in 6 inch heels flirting with staff, and yours truly, a wallflower engrossed and preoccupied by my mobile phone.
Did I enjoy myself? I didn't NOT enjoy it. It was refreshingly different and I'm grateful for the experience and sober perspective. Again, having to face discomfort in a setting I wouldn't normally expose myself to, is the ultimate goal. Building courage and to consciously grow by trying new things, challenging myself.
Would I go again? Probably not, but at least now I have no qualms about going to gay bars. It's helped dispel some of the myths I've believed through heresay and media culture. There really is nothing to be afraid of, and that's something I wouldn't have gotten had I been drunk!
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